Should A Aspiring Influencer Friend Stop Exploiting Me for Material?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?